Heathcliff - I read Wuthering Heights far too early and developed dreadfully high expectations of what it would be liked to be loved - if a man isn't prepared to dig up my corpse I'm just not interested
Marge Simpson - she'd make great noises
Dracula - obviously
Steerpike (Gormenghast) - skinny, spiteful and devious like a young Michael Portillo
The Snow Queen a malevolent menace who seduces schoolboys - what's not to love?
Lord Asriel (His Dark Materials) - Lyra's father, another alpha male; I quite like the thought of the polar bear too
Clovis Sangrail (Saki's stories) - like Steerpike with added verve, charm and cruel wit
Mr Spock - he'd put up such a lot of resistance
Former Chronoguard Next (The Eyre Affair etc - Tuesday's father)
Roy Batty (Blade Runner - Rutger Hauer's character) - a robot with a soul - he'd have the staying power of a rabbit and talk poetry afterwards
Commander Travis (Blake's Seven) - an evil, ruthless bastard with a robotic black-gloved hand - and he'd be up for a three-way with Servalan
So who would you do?