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May 10th, 2004

Much too little, much too young

I feel I ought to wite something about Toyboy; after all if he had a blog and hadn't mentioned me in it I would be pretty pissed off.

There was once a time when if I had sex with same person twice I would automatically start to fall for them. Sadly this evolutionary or hormonal instinct seems to have failed, and despite having had glorious sex with Toyboy five times now I really can't bring myself to feel anything much for him.

God knows the sex is wonderful. The lusciousness of his 19 year old skin, the flatness of his 19 year old stomach, the hardness and - christ - the brief recovery time needed - of 19 year old cock (which confirms my theory that women my age were meant to take up with much younger men), but oh the emptiness of his 19 year old head.

I have been rather mean and only had him over on nights when he has to go into work afterwards (he has a part time overnight job doing something techy in media production) so he can't stay the whole night. He's a perfectly delightful muscle relaxant but if he stayed around he'd want to talk all night and I know that would ruin everything. Besides all I want after a damn good seeing-to is some quality time with my cats and Radio 3.

And if he stayed all night I'd have to explain that I can't do first-thing-in-the-morning sex. This has always been a problem. One of my exes said that spending the night with me was like going to bed with a Emmanuelle and waking up with Thora Hird. I should emphasise here that he was referring to my demeanour not my appearance. I am fit for nothing, and especially not being poked about, before I've had a pot of English Breakfast and listened to the Today programme.

He seems to be taking the whole business far too seriously - a sad reflection on our times and his generation, unless growing up in an army town has given me inaccurate expectations about a the male tendency to fuck and fuck off afterwards. Yesterday we were talking about the age difference, inevitably, (what you don't want to hear when you've just pointed out that you are old enough to be your lover's mother: "actually you are older than my mother") as I was hoping to bring him round to the idea that we treat the whole thing very casually. No much hope of that, he said that the age difference was no big deal because "we are on the same wavelength". On the same wavelength? We are not even broadcasting on the same fucking frequency... And I'm beginning to have serious doubts about his chin, or lack of it.

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