I have not lost my phone. I had merely embedded it in my bed. I just thought I had lost it because I was squiffy in the pub last night and that's where I last thought I had it. In fact I phoned my voicemail this morning. I know this because T Mobile told me that the last umber dialled had been dialled several times before it was lost. I didn't recognise the number - which is not the the same as my handset number. I rang it and it was my voicemail so I rang them back in a state of mild hysteria and told it was madness because the random number led to my voicemail. Sigh.
They explained that I was an idiot. Very nicely, in a Scottish accent. I found my phone in my bed and when it is unlocked - within the hour - you can all text me and tell me that I am an idiot.
At least I have my phone and all its precious incriminating texts and photos back. Which reminds me that I must do a post soon...
Thank you Steer and Ed for your commiserating comments.