Rosamicula (rosamicula) wrote,

new age; same old snake oil

I don't know why but I just couldn't quite stop myself from clicking on the link for the ad for The Power of Shakti of on Farcebook. It is, so they would have you believe, an Irish retreat for men and women to go on so they can untap 'their repressed 18 inner mystical pathways to enlightenment and secret feminine power'. Now if there is one thing that riles me into rant it is new age balderdash dressed up as feminism. It is as much - more even - of an insult to the my intelligence than trying to tell me the Spice Girls were somehow empowering women by dieting, painting themselves orange and doing exactly what Simon Cowell Fuller (what's the difference?) told them to do. The nonsense from Shakti is so overblown it virtually satirises itself. Here are some choice - and all too predictable - snippets.

Access to the power of these pathways has been closed down for thousands of years, hidden away, piece by piece, in the Isis Mystery School, and the Pagan, Indian, Tibetan and Aramaic sacred traditions, known only to a few.

Or: We are far too lazy to actually learn anything concrete about a particular culture or historical period so we just cobbled together all the shiny sparkly bits from a variety of cultures that have cool things like llamas and mummies. Our speshul sekrit knowledge is known only to a select and gullible few because if it was ever subjected to rational scrutiny it would be such obvious codswallop it would make The Da Vinci Code look like a peer-reviewed article in The Lancet.

These 18 Pathways are not found outside you: they are within you, and used together they reveal one of the greatest secrets of all time: Divine Woman Power in human form.

Don't worry. You won't actually have to learn anything or look beyond your own navel. This course is all about your favourite subject: YOU. And like you, and unlike the rest of the world, we understand that, despite having a BMI in the high forties, a dozen incontinent cats, no boyfriend and a moustache you are really a goddess with secret powers.

[Learn about] The Voice and the Mandala of the Womb, and how you can access this at will

Does no one listen when you talk out of your arse? Try talking out of your snatch instead. We can show you how.

Why men need the Womb to step into the new, yet timeless, Divine Masculine.

I can't quite get this bit. Men need a little troll-like womb with feet to trample on their speshul masculinity? Or men need to step into a womb - presumably via an entryway as commodious as a wizard's sleeve?

Ireland is a living Goddess that has been sleeping and is now Awakening.

Ireland has spent the last decade glorying in being the Celtic Tiger of European ecomonies whilst still guilt-tripping the Brits about the Potato Famine and Cromwell. Now the credit crunch has left it well and truly fucked, some of its citizens are reverting to the use of good old blarney to do to the wallets of the witlessly credulous what its priests traditionally do to choirboys and orphans.

In this Retreat, we will be connecting with the power of Shakti at the extraordinary Gyreum Eco-lodge nestled into the living land of Ireland. Gyreum is connected to Stonehenge and the Great Pyramids of Giza

You can map your way on the direct walking route from Ireland to Wiltshire to Egypt if you use our special womb-empowering Twat-nav.

Carol MaRa's fiery intuition and passion for spiritual truth provide a powerful light

Beryl Munt's (that's probably what says on her birth certificate) talent for bullshit and disregard for empirical evidence are such that anyone who is neither deluded nor desperate would immediately identify her as a total charlatan. Tragically, the deluded and desperate will be charged 450 euros for the privilege.

Stella Fairbairn's voice, passion for music and spiritual growth allied with shamanic initiation and knowledge from ancient lineages

Stella left school without any qualifications, but her grandmother's grandmother once saw something nasty in the woodshed.

Padma Aon is an evolutionary catalyst, guide, and author of the "Shakti Circuit", “The Christ Blueprint,” and “The Nine Eyes of Light: Ascension Keys from Egypt”, all published worldwide 2009-10.

Paddy O'Neill (as was) once came round to Stella's to give her a quote for some building work but had an epiphany whilst chatting to her. He realised he could get into the pagan bullshit business and it would be even more money for old rope than fleecing householders for substandard and tardy building work. He'll publish his mystic tomes on the worldwide interwebs just as soon as he's cashed your charitable donation at the bookies.
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